So, this is not what I meant to origianlly blog... I have pages to add later but I was tripped up by my inbox this morning and wanted to blather about waning joy and broken pieces. I don't intend to promote other websites, I can't stand commericials on TV, so why would I want to add them to my blog? However, this is my sidebar, and I totally blame this woman and her spiritual genius for this sidebar, so she might as well get some credit!
Mary DeMuth, she has a monthly newsletter that you can sign up for on her page, if you are so inclined: http://www.marydemuth.com/.
Waning joy and hope, who hasn't felt that desert of isolation creeping into their lives. Like life isn't hard enough and then suddenly you realize that your last trip to an oasis was so long ago all you are tasting is sand. I have been focused so much on the reclamation of joy stolen that I have overlooked some of the importance of its loss.
We leave little pieces of ourselves behind all time, in broken relationships, in disappointments and in death. These are some of the major joy stealers, but sometimes we just hand over our hearts with no regard for the condition in which it will be returned. Or if we can even recognize it when we get it back. If we don't consider the impact of freely given our hearts away to another, how can we expect others to? Then at the end of a relationship how do we reclaim our passion for life and love?
There is a process, like in most things, of reclaiming what is lost. Unfortunately, in matters of the heart it is difficult to get a full accounting and return, we all prescribe a different value to our pain and nothing is equal in suffering. My bad is bad for me, but not necessarily for another. So pieces get lost, and sometimes they don't come back. Which is a very Ecclesiastes perspective... the futility of life and all that, so what's the point?! Considering that I am listening to "Everything Glorious", I will swing this back around, too much darkness for the morning.
There is a value in brokenness, if you can see it. Rather than scrambling around to reclaim your pieces, let them fall. Give them to God, let Him whittle away the unnecessary and refine your heart so that you can see Him more clearly. My childhood was like a shattered mirror, my own self image was lost until I no longer recognized myself and trying to reclaim the piece was likely to result in more woundedness. Moving past the 'survivor' mentality and giving that control over to God was so unbelievably difficult for me... those are my reins, that is my pain, I know what I am doing, only I can push through this pain, there is no one that can manage this for me, only me, only me, only You? You?
Resting in that, not having to take action over my own wounds or healing, was freeing. I didn't have to DO. God did it all for me. There is no strength that I have today that doesn't flow directly from Him. And He values that, I still get to overcome, I still get to battle... when He calls me out to act, not before. Suddenly I am not twisting in the wind, but am safe and secure, knowing that I am called to be a daughter of the King and there is so much fullness in that.
The pieces that were broken away, were meant to be. I am not being trite, truly there is much that I lost that I don't think I really need. Would I be able to give over to God the right to rule without knowing the things of the world that I know? If my life were perfectly comfortable, why would I need to yield anything to an unseen God? For me, with my stubbornness of will, there would have been no point in that. This is not a permission slip to mistreat or be mistreated, I have been both. Only you can reconcile with God, I cannot speak for you pain or loss... only you can do that. But it doesn't matter if your mirror is merely chipped or completely turned to dust, God is the true restorer. Your pain doesn't need to be more than or less than somebody else's... it is yours in all it's questionable glory. God can heal YOU, whatever your pain. Nothing is too great or too little for Him, be released to rest in Him and see what pieces you no longer need.
Psalms 23:3
He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
witticism, unspoken
I know you get this one... somebody says something kind of snarky to you, and you think of the perfect comeback, like three hours later. My problem isn't usually in this arena. My religious upbringing was very much self-indulgent, anti-organized anything with a heavy influence of sarcasm. I learned how to wield a double entendre with a true master, my mother... but I never realized the impact that a double meant comment could have on others, that wasn't part of my education until later.
I had moments growing up where I fumbled for a quick reply that came out more like a stutter than a smooth retort. I ended up becoming the butt of my own jokes, despite the fact that in my head I always had the quick reply. Then the pendulm of life swung in my favor, I was the queen in training of sarcastic annhilation. None were safe, I had acheived a miniscule triumph over the stuttering and I was so witty.
It wasn't until later, when I heard one of my own offhanded remarks from years previous, did I realize that I was contributing to the woundedness of my own friends. Funny for the moment, the words we speak have a lasting echo in our hearts, for good or evil. I was once again speechless. How can I undo my words to a friend? An apology, much overdue, did not salvage her heart towards me. Time and God will heal; but I still get the pleasure of remembering her face when she handed my words back to me and the voice that I knew was mine still rings in my ears. I am so small.
Now, weird things are happening again. I have discovered the balance of sarcasm and friendship, or love. You can be witty, you can be funny... but never when it is at someone else's expense. I am sure my foot still gets caught in my teeth, but I genuinely try to catch it before it knocks them in. So, now conversations occur, the words pop in my head, but they don't always leave my mouth and despite knowing the devastation words can cause, I still wonder about God's hand in the unspoken.
Here's the example. I meet 'Dude', I know only a couple of things about him, one of which is that he did my friend wrong... but there are a couple of other things that should make me more compassionate towards him. I am so not feeling it towards him. He hurt my friend, she's on my 'list'... the list in my heart of people I will not allow to be mistreated... so no mercy, no compassion, please can I just annihilate him now?! no. I know, no.
ANYWAY. I meet Dude, he is pleasant to me, we shake hands, he invites me to join them for dinner and proceeds to describe what he is making to eat. It sounds very, um, nice. But there is this voice in my head that SO wants to squish him and his little prideful dinner plans. It goes something like this, "Um, no thanks. Your homemade Italian chicken strips and salad sound delicious, but I have leftovers at home. What? No, I said leftovers. It's grilled flank steak with a bacon balsamic reduction with fresh marinated beets with feta and a lemon couscous. Are those tears little man? That right, my cooking is SO superior to yours, pathetic poser!"
Okay, the last bit was a little overdone, I don't remember actually thinking out loud, in my head, that he was a poser of any nature, but you get the idea. I did think the rest though, and almost disdainfully said it... why? And I guess more importantly, why didn't I say it out loud? Obviously my friend wouldn't have liked it, but it was bigger than that and I knew it, but for the first couple miles as I drove away I didn't know exactly why.
As I drove away, I was haunted by this man's eyes. There was a deep and profound sadness echoing in his there and a shadow of spiritual warfare hanging over his head like I couldn't believe. Just to clarify, I didn't see demons floating around him with my eyes, but there was some kind of 'something' that has attached itself to him like a noose. And his pride in describing what he was making for dinner, was so tenuous and genuine, that for me to squish him would have been beyond rude, it would have been heartless and so unnecessary.
Like I am somehow the moral majority that I should should crush him for my own pleasure is just cruel and shameful. I am a better person than that, Christianity aside, I know better. Even now two days later, I can see those wounded eyes and they just call out to my heart.
please. please. hear me. i have nothing to give. i am nothing. here is my small portion. let me share it with you. can you see me? i am lost.
Who am I God that I should ride in and forget my own small portion? Are we not all lost? Do we not all desire to be loved and accepted and do we not all fear the same cruel rejection that I myself so nearly handed out?
Those moments where the words get stuck in your head, Praise God. May He bind my jaw against evil. Let the words flow freely that reflect His mercy, not mine. Because mine is not right or perfect, not even close. I prayed the whole way home for this man, and hopefully I learn from the blessing of this encounter.
2 Samuel 14:17
"And now your servant says, 'May the word of my lord the king bring me rest, for my lord the king is like an angel of God in discerning good and evil. May the Lord your God be with you."
I had moments growing up where I fumbled for a quick reply that came out more like a stutter than a smooth retort. I ended up becoming the butt of my own jokes, despite the fact that in my head I always had the quick reply. Then the pendulm of life swung in my favor, I was the queen in training of sarcastic annhilation. None were safe, I had acheived a miniscule triumph over the stuttering and I was so witty.
It wasn't until later, when I heard one of my own offhanded remarks from years previous, did I realize that I was contributing to the woundedness of my own friends. Funny for the moment, the words we speak have a lasting echo in our hearts, for good or evil. I was once again speechless. How can I undo my words to a friend? An apology, much overdue, did not salvage her heart towards me. Time and God will heal; but I still get the pleasure of remembering her face when she handed my words back to me and the voice that I knew was mine still rings in my ears. I am so small.
Now, weird things are happening again. I have discovered the balance of sarcasm and friendship, or love. You can be witty, you can be funny... but never when it is at someone else's expense. I am sure my foot still gets caught in my teeth, but I genuinely try to catch it before it knocks them in. So, now conversations occur, the words pop in my head, but they don't always leave my mouth and despite knowing the devastation words can cause, I still wonder about God's hand in the unspoken.
Here's the example. I meet 'Dude', I know only a couple of things about him, one of which is that he did my friend wrong... but there are a couple of other things that should make me more compassionate towards him. I am so not feeling it towards him. He hurt my friend, she's on my 'list'... the list in my heart of people I will not allow to be mistreated... so no mercy, no compassion, please can I just annihilate him now?! no. I know, no.
ANYWAY. I meet Dude, he is pleasant to me, we shake hands, he invites me to join them for dinner and proceeds to describe what he is making to eat. It sounds very, um, nice. But there is this voice in my head that SO wants to squish him and his little prideful dinner plans. It goes something like this, "Um, no thanks. Your homemade Italian chicken strips and salad sound delicious, but I have leftovers at home. What? No, I said leftovers. It's grilled flank steak with a bacon balsamic reduction with fresh marinated beets with feta and a lemon couscous. Are those tears little man? That right, my cooking is SO superior to yours, pathetic poser!"
Okay, the last bit was a little overdone, I don't remember actually thinking out loud, in my head, that he was a poser of any nature, but you get the idea. I did think the rest though, and almost disdainfully said it... why? And I guess more importantly, why didn't I say it out loud? Obviously my friend wouldn't have liked it, but it was bigger than that and I knew it, but for the first couple miles as I drove away I didn't know exactly why.
As I drove away, I was haunted by this man's eyes. There was a deep and profound sadness echoing in his there and a shadow of spiritual warfare hanging over his head like I couldn't believe. Just to clarify, I didn't see demons floating around him with my eyes, but there was some kind of 'something' that has attached itself to him like a noose. And his pride in describing what he was making for dinner, was so tenuous and genuine, that for me to squish him would have been beyond rude, it would have been heartless and so unnecessary.
Like I am somehow the moral majority that I should should crush him for my own pleasure is just cruel and shameful. I am a better person than that, Christianity aside, I know better. Even now two days later, I can see those wounded eyes and they just call out to my heart.
please. please. hear me. i have nothing to give. i am nothing. here is my small portion. let me share it with you. can you see me? i am lost.
Who am I God that I should ride in and forget my own small portion? Are we not all lost? Do we not all desire to be loved and accepted and do we not all fear the same cruel rejection that I myself so nearly handed out?
Those moments where the words get stuck in your head, Praise God. May He bind my jaw against evil. Let the words flow freely that reflect His mercy, not mine. Because mine is not right or perfect, not even close. I prayed the whole way home for this man, and hopefully I learn from the blessing of this encounter.
2 Samuel 14:17
"And now your servant says, 'May the word of my lord the king bring me rest, for my lord the king is like an angel of God in discerning good and evil. May the Lord your God be with you."
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Combo meal... do you want fries with that?
I think we get stuck sometimes, stuck in sin and it seems like we just can't get out of our own way. We know that God is there, but He seems so far away and really why would He want to bother? We are sinning, by choice or circumstance, and to give up that for redemption becomes too much to bear. When we get mired down in our life, we get to a point where we know our pain so well that we can't imagine living life without it. And that shameful knowledge blinds us to the simple truth that it is possible to survive without that all encompassing isolating pain.
The enemy comes in and feeds on our sin and covers our eyes from this truth. Without us feeding him, he will not survive. He doesn't want you to know how easy it is to turn to God. There is no obstacle, no hurdle, no canyon too wide for God. The enemy tries to trip you up and keep you isolated so that he can continue to feast. Like some sort of convenient drive-through, he orders a combo meal that consists of your joy, passion and vigor for life... maybe with a side of fries. For him, it is so easy.
Consciously, would you really choose to submit these things, knowing that it will impact you everyday... that somehow your life will really be fine without joy? Stop enabling the enemy to run over and through you, he is weak unless we encourage him. He has no real strength or power but that which we give him. And when we turn our eyes back to God, baby-step or seek him slightly... He is there, waiting in the wings for you, just for you to even dare to ask.
Jesus is the bridge between us and God. One gloriously simple bond that connects us forever. No matter how far away we feel like we are removed from God - the truth is that because of the Jesus connection, God is no further away than our fingertips or our next breath. God is not the elusive 'seek Me on the highest mountains' because of Jesus, we can find Him in the everyday moments, the moments between the miracles. All we need do is turn our hearts to Him, and He is there.
We are connected, He sacrificed His only Son, just for you to live life in the fullness of His glory, His freedom. His joy for you is not that you be oppressed and afflicted, do not surrender, embrace His love for you. There are more miracles waiting for you to experience, ushered in by His faithfulness in the face of our infinite weakness and ineptitude. You do not have to be the most spiritual, the most Christian, the most anything to receive this gift. Unlike everything else in this world, your lack of credentials make you that much more desirable to Him. Your shortcoming pull on God's heartstrings more than all the overachieving machinations of mankind combined. You don't need a fancy endorsement or resume, you can show up in your jammies with every hair out of place and He will reveal His majesty. Be underqualified, because He is the only qualification you will ever need.
Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak.
The enemy comes in and feeds on our sin and covers our eyes from this truth. Without us feeding him, he will not survive. He doesn't want you to know how easy it is to turn to God. There is no obstacle, no hurdle, no canyon too wide for God. The enemy tries to trip you up and keep you isolated so that he can continue to feast. Like some sort of convenient drive-through, he orders a combo meal that consists of your joy, passion and vigor for life... maybe with a side of fries. For him, it is so easy.
Consciously, would you really choose to submit these things, knowing that it will impact you everyday... that somehow your life will really be fine without joy? Stop enabling the enemy to run over and through you, he is weak unless we encourage him. He has no real strength or power but that which we give him. And when we turn our eyes back to God, baby-step or seek him slightly... He is there, waiting in the wings for you, just for you to even dare to ask.
Jesus is the bridge between us and God. One gloriously simple bond that connects us forever. No matter how far away we feel like we are removed from God - the truth is that because of the Jesus connection, God is no further away than our fingertips or our next breath. God is not the elusive 'seek Me on the highest mountains' because of Jesus, we can find Him in the everyday moments, the moments between the miracles. All we need do is turn our hearts to Him, and He is there.
We are connected, He sacrificed His only Son, just for you to live life in the fullness of His glory, His freedom. His joy for you is not that you be oppressed and afflicted, do not surrender, embrace His love for you. There are more miracles waiting for you to experience, ushered in by His faithfulness in the face of our infinite weakness and ineptitude. You do not have to be the most spiritual, the most Christian, the most anything to receive this gift. Unlike everything else in this world, your lack of credentials make you that much more desirable to Him. Your shortcoming pull on God's heartstrings more than all the overachieving machinations of mankind combined. You don't need a fancy endorsement or resume, you can show up in your jammies with every hair out of place and He will reveal His majesty. Be underqualified, because He is the only qualification you will ever need.
Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Longing for more
What is my portion? What do I have a right to expect and what is beyond my graps? Am I too much, too lacking for redemption? How can God call me out with all my fleshly ways standing between us? Rhetorical questions, I know.
Nothing is impossible for God. My hardened heart, the shell of my old self that I carry in a secret compartment of my soul, these are not beyond the merciful healing of my God. He is more than all the shortcomings of my nature. He is beyond all my natural understanding.
My portion is not my past, not my sins of today. There is a promised wholeness hanging before me, a path of more than where I stand now or where I have been. A greater destiny than what I have ever dreamed possible. More healing, more signs, more wonders, more joy, more love, more revelation.... more, more, more!
I say bring it on, Your right to rule in my life and my heart, be unleashed. Whatever tethers I have restrained You with, be undone. Let there be no corner concealed, it is past time for Your glory to be poured out vigorously. More of You God, here and now.
Psalms 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Nothing is impossible for God. My hardened heart, the shell of my old self that I carry in a secret compartment of my soul, these are not beyond the merciful healing of my God. He is more than all the shortcomings of my nature. He is beyond all my natural understanding.
My portion is not my past, not my sins of today. There is a promised wholeness hanging before me, a path of more than where I stand now or where I have been. A greater destiny than what I have ever dreamed possible. More healing, more signs, more wonders, more joy, more love, more revelation.... more, more, more!
I say bring it on, Your right to rule in my life and my heart, be unleashed. Whatever tethers I have restrained You with, be undone. Let there be no corner concealed, it is past time for Your glory to be poured out vigorously. More of You God, here and now.
Psalms 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Picked Off
So, it's like this... somebody is getting on your nerves, somebody you love in Christ and in the natural, how much do you let it interfere with your relationship? How much do you jump up onto your moral high horse and let them know all the ways they are living their life wrong?
STOP! Dismount that horse. Are you really in a position to correct anyone? How's your glass house today? You may want to rethink your strategy and put down the stone of loving correction and listen.
The enemy seeks to divide us from one another and each one of from Christ. When we let petty differences abide in our heart and bear grudges in our hearts, we are not allowing Christ to dwell in our hearts. Christ in a box doesn't do anyone much good, you or your 'somebody'. If you are truly letting Christ be the mediator and mighty counselor of your life, don't hold Him back from healing some one else's wounds by putting your foot in your mouth. Before you speak, PRAY.
I am no less guilty of feeling the draw of offering loving correction to all those around me, I think it's my mama nature, I want everyone to be healthy and happy, and I am sure that I know the best way to 'help' them achieve that. But I am afraid that my way isn't God's way and that I will do more harm than good. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I don't want to be helping that road any more than I already have.
So sit back and zip it. If you are not talking, you might be able to hear God's heart for the person that you want to fix. AND maybe, just maybe.... if you aren't trying to fix the world with your own strength, God will be released to heal those wounds.... yours and theirs. Maybe nothing, sit back and watch it happen... believe in the miracle that will happen.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
STOP! Dismount that horse. Are you really in a position to correct anyone? How's your glass house today? You may want to rethink your strategy and put down the stone of loving correction and listen.
The enemy seeks to divide us from one another and each one of from Christ. When we let petty differences abide in our heart and bear grudges in our hearts, we are not allowing Christ to dwell in our hearts. Christ in a box doesn't do anyone much good, you or your 'somebody'. If you are truly letting Christ be the mediator and mighty counselor of your life, don't hold Him back from healing some one else's wounds by putting your foot in your mouth. Before you speak, PRAY.
I am no less guilty of feeling the draw of offering loving correction to all those around me, I think it's my mama nature, I want everyone to be healthy and happy, and I am sure that I know the best way to 'help' them achieve that. But I am afraid that my way isn't God's way and that I will do more harm than good. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I don't want to be helping that road any more than I already have.
So sit back and zip it. If you are not talking, you might be able to hear God's heart for the person that you want to fix. AND maybe, just maybe.... if you aren't trying to fix the world with your own strength, God will be released to heal those wounds.... yours and theirs. Maybe nothing, sit back and watch it happen... believe in the miracle that will happen.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Mundane Miracles
When was the last time you looked around you to find the miracles around you? It doesn't have to be an earth-shattering, burning bush kind of miracle. What about the things that we take for granted? Relationships, safe harbors, freedom. Well, some of those may be earth-shattering... but I think that I have started to take them for granted.
So, my mundane miracle is this restored friendship. I know, I know, old news... but it is such an amazing gift and one that I didn't know that I had missed. We have all 'had' to do the kiss and make up, but you know it's still there. That looming elephant of resentment watching in the corner, waiting to remind you why it is that you fought with someone, or where the well of hurt sprang up. We have all pretended not to see that elephant, but we know it's there. And occasionally we throw it peanuts so it never really wants to leave. You think you are fine with your friend, if only you could figure out how to get rid of the elephant of resentment and long memory.
I didn't technically 'have' to make up with this chick, we travelled in the same circles, but we were civil, the elephant for the most part was kept at bay. I had nothing to gain, or lose by maintaining distance. Really, when I called to chat with her on that fateful day I really didn't intend to remove any barriers, maybe just make sure that we both had our elephants on a respectable leash and maintain the status quo. So, when I said we should hash out our remaining differences, or let God heal them, I meant it in a nebuolous kind of polite way. Like, I see you still have your elephant, so do I. Maybe we should acknowledge them and what I don't know, maybe get something smaller, like a hippo?
Never, and I mean never, in a million-bazillion years would I have thought that what would really happen was that God would just take our elephants away and leave us with this whole lovey-dovey cr... er, stuff. The overnight manifestation of God's holy love... WHAM, and now it's LOVE.
The weeks have passed, but the feeling hasn't. Now, we are even better friends than we were all those years ago. Isn't God funny? It's funny because I didn't know that I needed this, just one more sign of God's living abundant life around us. It's humbling how much He cares, and doesn't want us to fall out of relationship with one another. Together we are so much more, so much stronger than when we try to make it going our own way. The world is such a dangerous place, you don't know who you can trust, except for God.
It is such a simple solution to a complex problem, learn to love as God loves us. If only we can find a way to get that elephant out of the corner. I am sure that I have others lurking about, but God will work with that. I have such peace about this renewed friendship that I don't even get wiggy about it anymore. For me this is my mundane miracle.
So, my mundane miracle is this restored friendship. I know, I know, old news... but it is such an amazing gift and one that I didn't know that I had missed. We have all 'had' to do the kiss and make up, but you know it's still there. That looming elephant of resentment watching in the corner, waiting to remind you why it is that you fought with someone, or where the well of hurt sprang up. We have all pretended not to see that elephant, but we know it's there. And occasionally we throw it peanuts so it never really wants to leave. You think you are fine with your friend, if only you could figure out how to get rid of the elephant of resentment and long memory.
I didn't technically 'have' to make up with this chick, we travelled in the same circles, but we were civil, the elephant for the most part was kept at bay. I had nothing to gain, or lose by maintaining distance. Really, when I called to chat with her on that fateful day I really didn't intend to remove any barriers, maybe just make sure that we both had our elephants on a respectable leash and maintain the status quo. So, when I said we should hash out our remaining differences, or let God heal them, I meant it in a nebuolous kind of polite way. Like, I see you still have your elephant, so do I. Maybe we should acknowledge them and what I don't know, maybe get something smaller, like a hippo?
Never, and I mean never, in a million-bazillion years would I have thought that what would really happen was that God would just take our elephants away and leave us with this whole lovey-dovey cr... er, stuff. The overnight manifestation of God's holy love... WHAM, and now it's LOVE.
The weeks have passed, but the feeling hasn't. Now, we are even better friends than we were all those years ago. Isn't God funny? It's funny because I didn't know that I needed this, just one more sign of God's living abundant life around us. It's humbling how much He cares, and doesn't want us to fall out of relationship with one another. Together we are so much more, so much stronger than when we try to make it going our own way. The world is such a dangerous place, you don't know who you can trust, except for God.
It is such a simple solution to a complex problem, learn to love as God loves us. If only we can find a way to get that elephant out of the corner. I am sure that I have others lurking about, but God will work with that. I have such peace about this renewed friendship that I don't even get wiggy about it anymore. For me this is my mundane miracle.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Are you 'in' or 'out'?
I was never in a clique, well not really, I don't think. I was friends with different people in different groups, but I never really fit IN. I don't embrace conformity well, especially when people expect me to act or dress in a certain way... ie. like the 'in' crowd. So, I spent many years of my life bucking the system, going against the grain, holding myself apart. It was frequently very lonely and isolated, like I was my own enemy. Maybe I should conform? Will they like me if I am like them?
The answer today is duh of course not... if they don't like you for who you are, they will like you less if you sell out and become something that doesn't suit you. Falsehood in any form does not flatter. Looking back, I think there is a definitive value in being held apart. Today, I don't have to unlearn patterns of behavior that would give me a false sense of belonging to the in crowd. I have no holy elevated status, I am just as scarred as the next person, I am weak and critical of those who are weak. I despise weakness in myself, and pull away from the needy weakness I see reflected in others. And I am not the in crowd.
Since becoming Christian ten years ago, there have always been the questions that arise, like what about gays, the homeless, addiction afflictions, prostitutes... what do you think about THAT? Like I am some sort of moral authority? So not even close. But I would say that I wouldn't move away if someone from the 'out' crowd were to sit next to me. In a women's group very early in my Christian walk, someone had posed the question... we are all happy to be with each other, but what if a prostitute sat down on the couch next to you, would you move away? My answer then as it is today is is no, emphatically no way. Maybe if she were packing a knife and trying to steal my purse, but generally I am not moving.
Why is this important? Because, for me, I am not so far removed from my former self that I have forgotten who I was and where my life had been leading me. I have been in situations that are not so different from addiction or prostitution, did I sell myself for money or drugs... no. Drugs were never my thing, but I would throw myself into 'relationships' with no value for my own worth desperate for someone, anyone, please love me, validate me, fill this aching void. Never thinking that my own emptiness could not be filled with someone else, especially someone who was emptier than my own self. WE cannot redeem someone else, we don't understand the level of sacrifice that this entails, it surpasses all human understanding and passes into the supernatural. Beyond all doubt, there is only one sacrifice that has redeemed me and the world. I didn't ask to have the shadow of Jesus' sacrifice carried in my heart, but His blood of freedom flows freely through my veins. He is my Father, part of my DNA composition beyond earthly conception, and I am fulfilled in Him.
So, would I move my towel away from the 'out' crowd? no. The shadow of forgiveness and salvation hangs in the wings waiting to be accepted across the whole world. Who am I to say who is doing it right or wrong? Facing the Father, all else falls away. Keep your eyes firmly fixed on His will and your testimony will draw people in. Be inclusive, we are not a country club with some sort of elitist mentality, all be made welcome.
Galatians 5:13
You were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love.
The answer today is duh of course not... if they don't like you for who you are, they will like you less if you sell out and become something that doesn't suit you. Falsehood in any form does not flatter. Looking back, I think there is a definitive value in being held apart. Today, I don't have to unlearn patterns of behavior that would give me a false sense of belonging to the in crowd. I have no holy elevated status, I am just as scarred as the next person, I am weak and critical of those who are weak. I despise weakness in myself, and pull away from the needy weakness I see reflected in others. And I am not the in crowd.
Since becoming Christian ten years ago, there have always been the questions that arise, like what about gays, the homeless, addiction afflictions, prostitutes... what do you think about THAT? Like I am some sort of moral authority? So not even close. But I would say that I wouldn't move away if someone from the 'out' crowd were to sit next to me. In a women's group very early in my Christian walk, someone had posed the question... we are all happy to be with each other, but what if a prostitute sat down on the couch next to you, would you move away? My answer then as it is today is is no, emphatically no way. Maybe if she were packing a knife and trying to steal my purse, but generally I am not moving.
Why is this important? Because, for me, I am not so far removed from my former self that I have forgotten who I was and where my life had been leading me. I have been in situations that are not so different from addiction or prostitution, did I sell myself for money or drugs... no. Drugs were never my thing, but I would throw myself into 'relationships' with no value for my own worth desperate for someone, anyone, please love me, validate me, fill this aching void. Never thinking that my own emptiness could not be filled with someone else, especially someone who was emptier than my own self. WE cannot redeem someone else, we don't understand the level of sacrifice that this entails, it surpasses all human understanding and passes into the supernatural. Beyond all doubt, there is only one sacrifice that has redeemed me and the world. I didn't ask to have the shadow of Jesus' sacrifice carried in my heart, but His blood of freedom flows freely through my veins. He is my Father, part of my DNA composition beyond earthly conception, and I am fulfilled in Him.
So, would I move my towel away from the 'out' crowd? no. The shadow of forgiveness and salvation hangs in the wings waiting to be accepted across the whole world. Who am I to say who is doing it right or wrong? Facing the Father, all else falls away. Keep your eyes firmly fixed on His will and your testimony will draw people in. Be inclusive, we are not a country club with some sort of elitist mentality, all be made welcome.
Galatians 5:13
You were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love.
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